.
Be concise
Good academic writing gets straight to the point. It does not waffle or waste words.
Write concisely by:
1. Making the actor and the action clear
Attempts at writing in an academic style often result in the meaning being buried under a pile of nominalisations* and the prepositional phrases^ needed to support them. While some nominalisations are useful and appropriate, using too many makes sentences unwieldy and hides the main action.
Terminology
* A nominalisation is an abstract noun based on a verb or adjective, often ending in -tion, -ence, -ity, -ness, -ment, etc., e.g. education (from educate), agreement (from agree).
^ A prepositional phrase is a preposition followed by a noun phrase, e.g. in the university.
2. Eliminating redundancies
Wordiness adds to your word count without adding to the meaning. Be brutal: delete meaningless, doubled and implied terms, and replace unnecessarily long phrases with shorter ones.
Making the actor and action clear
Look at the following example. Who is doing what here? What is the main action? Who or what is doing it?
There is general agreement among climate scientists as to the elevation of global temperatures as a result of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.
The first step is to find the actions by turning the nomalisations into verbs. Remember nominalisations usually end in -tion, -ence, -ity, -ness, -ment, etc.
| nominalisations | → | verbs |
|---|---|---|
| There is general agreement among climate scientists as to the elevation of global temperatures as a result of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. |
agreement → agree elevation → elevate |
Now consider the following:
(a) Who is agreeing?
(b) What is elevating what?
Actors
Actions
Target
| Original | Revised |
|---|---|
| (a) There is general agreement among climate scientists as to the elevation of global temperatures as a result of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. | Climate scientists agree that ... |
| (b) There is general agreement among climate scientists as to the elevation of global temperatures as a result of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. | Carbon dioxide is elevating global temperatures |
Rewrite the text, moving the main actors and actions as close to the beginning of the sentence as you can. Note how the extra prepositional phrases will naturally disappear, leaving only those that are necessary.
Actors
Actions
Target
| Revised | Final |
|---|---|
| Climate scientist agree that + Carbon dioxide is elevating |
Most climate scientists agree that carbon dioxide in the atmosphere is elevating global temperatures. |
The resulting sentence is not only more concise, it is also much easier to understand.
Actors
Actions
Target
| Original | Final |
|---|---|
| There is general agreement among climate scientists as to the elevation of global temperatures as a result of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. | Most climate scientists agree that carbon dioxide in the atmosphere is elevating global temperatures. |
(Adapted from Williams, J.M. and Bizup, J. (2014). Style: Lessons in clarity and grace. (11th ed.) Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson.)
Eliminating redundancies
Avoid padding your writing with unnecessary words.
Delete meaningless terms
- each
and every true andaccuratecompletelyfinishfutureplansIt is important to note that
Replace unnecessarily long phrases
- due to the fact that → because, since
- not similar → different
Example
Before
Engineers cannot avoid utilising complex and difficult technical terms in order to clearly analyse requirements and describe them in a precise and meaningful way.
After
Engineers must use technical terms when writing clear requirements specifications.
Tip: be careful when attempting to write concisely. Don’t leave out important details or qualifications. Cut the waffle, not the content.
(Adapted from Williams, J.M. and Bizup, J. (2014). Style: Lessons in clarity and grace. (11th ed.) Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson.)
Activity 1
Revise the sentences below by selecting the most appropriate verbs to describe the actions. Click the 'Check Answer' button after revising the two sentences.
Sentence 1
| Attempts by researchers at identification of the AIDS virus have met with success; however, attempts at development of a vaccine for the immunisation of those at risk have failed. |
| AIDS researchers have
|
Sentence 2
| Any departures by the members from established procedures may cause termination of membership by the Board. |
| If members
|
(Adapted from Williams, J.M. and Bizup, J. (2014). Style: Lessons in clarity and grace. (11th ed.) Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson.)
Instructions
Read each of the sentence. Revise it by selecting the most appropriate verb to describe the actions within [ ].
Sentence 1
Attempts by researchers at identification of the AIDS virus have met with success; however, attempts at development of a vaccine for the immunisation of those at risk have failed.
Revise
AIDS researchers have [eradicated, identified, isolated] the AIDS virus but have failed to [develop, isolate, identify] a vaccine that will [cure, identify, immmunise] those at risk.
Answer
AIDS researchers have [identified] the AIDS virus but have failed to [developed] a vaccine that will [immunise] those at risk.
Sentence 2
Any departures by the members from established procedures may cause termination of membership by the Board.
Revise
If members [terminate, proceed, depart] from established procedures, their membership may be [departed, terminated, established] by the Board.
Answer
If members [depart] from established procedures, their membership may be [terminated] by the Board.
Source
(Adapted from Williams, J.M. and Bizup, J. (2014). Style: Lessons in clarity and grace. (11th ed.) Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson.)Activity 2
The two sentences below each have three words/phrases that should be removed. Click on these words/phrases to remove them. The revised version will appear after deleting all the redundancies.
Sentence 1
Employability actually depends on certain factors that basically involve generic skills, such as ability to communicate, as much as any particular technical disciplinary knowledge.
Sentence 2
Going forward, it is recommended that such kinds of issues be considered in the future planning process.
Activity
Read the sentence and think about which three words or phrases can be deleted. Answers will be provided: One version with the deleted words in [ ]. The second version with the full answer.
Sentence 1
Employability actually depends on certain factors that basically involve generic skills, such as ability to communicate, as much as any particular technical disciplinary knowledge.
Answer with deleted words/phrases:
Employability [actually] depends on [certain factors that basically involve] generic skills, such as ability to communicate, as much as [any particular technical] disciplinary knowledge.
Answer:
Employability depends on generic skills, such as ability to communicate, as much as disciplinary knowledge.
Sentence 2
Going forward, it is recommended that such kinds of issues be considered in the future planning process.
Answer with deleted words/phrases:
[Going forward], it is recommended that such [kinds of] issues be considered in the future planning process.
Answer:
It is recommended that such issues be considered in the future planning process.